Yes, it is possible to save your relationship!

Almost every relationship can be saved. Yes, even yours! Even if the feeling that the love has disappeared from your relationship prevails, your relationship can still be saved. It is possible to save your relationship if the following criteria are met:

  • There is still “something” alive within your relationship, like a spark or a flame…
  • You both want to save the relationship.
  • You are both determined to do what is necessary to make the relationship work again.

So, what is happening within your relationship?

If you are dissappointed in your relationship, maybe its is because you and your partner have lost your skill to really connect to each other. Maybe the emotional pain in your relationship, makes it difficult for you both to be accessible for each other. Maybe your mutual commitment seems to have melted away.

Fear often plays a role: fear of connecting in a vulnerable way because you do not know how the other is going to react. That is how you become estranged from each other. In order to deal with this alienation, most couples develop a negative interaction pattern which traps them. This interaction pattern leads to constant tensions in the relationship. Now the partners feel unsave and disconnected from each other.

Couples trapped in negative interaction pattern usually do not benefit from: “breaking up and then trying again with another partner”. (There is even a great chance that you will continue with your negative behaviour in your next relationship, which will lead to a similar negative interaction pattern, just with a different partner!) Unfortunately, a negative interaction pattern generally does not end by itself. Couples therapy is a good way of repairing and healing the relationship and connecting again.

Save your relationship with EFT couples therapy!

Going into couples therapy together is a good way to save your relationship. I am specialized in the Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) method of Dr. Sue Johnson. This form of couples therapy has been proven to be effective.

According to the Emotionally Focused Therapy method you and your partner are both OK and beautifull just as you are. But… somewhere along the way, you and your partner developed an negative interaction pattern together that does not benefit the happiness in your relationship. To save your relationship we thus need to address this negative interaction pattern.

During our couples therapy sessions I will help you become aware and unravel the negative interaction patterns that you have developed together. As your EFT couple therapist, I will take no sides and make no judgment about your actions. Together we will reflect on the reasons behind your interaction pattern so you can both realize how your behaviour causes pain to you and your partner. The causes of the interaction pattern usually consist of unfulfilled needs in the relationship, which may lead you to feel hurt, betrayed, or abandoned.

When you are both aware of your negative interaction pattern, I will help develop a positive interaction pattern, where you can communicate your needs in the relationship and what you can do about them.

An alternative for couples therapy

Some couples hesitate to go into couples therapy for all kinds of reasons. If you read a bit further, I will tell you what you can do about this hesitation. If couples therapy really is too big of a step for you to save your relationship, please consider enrolling in the ‘Hold me Tight’ relationship course. This course is based on the EFT couples therapy method and produces very good results.

Hesitations: obstacles for couples therapy

When you are ill, you will probably go see your doctor. That is just totally normal. But what if your relationship is not well? Would you go see a couples therapist just as easily?

When it comes to consulting a third party about their relationship happiness, some couples still hesitate. The obstacles for seeking help in the form of couples therapy seem difficult to overcome. The following 3 obstacles are the most common when couples seek help for their relationship.

1. Fear of having failed

Some couples find it difficult to admit to themselves that they are not able to work out their problems without help. Going to couples therapy would be the same as admitting that they have failed in their relationship. This fear, the feeling of not having done well, prevails. They prefer to keep quiet about the situation due to shame… They feel ashamed of themselves, ashamed of what the kids, the family and/or others might think. Unfortunately, this leads to even more tensions in the relationship.

2. Invasion of privacy

For some couples, going into couples therapy feels strange and difficult. after all, airing the dirty linen of your relationship is something you do not do with just about anyone. That is understandable. A bond of trust should exist with the person with whom the personal and intimate aspects of the relationship are discussed.

3. Doubts about the usefulness

Having doubts about the usefulness of couples therapy is also very common. The argument that is often used here is: “What can a couples therapist do for us that we can’t do for ourselves?

Remove the obstacles that stand in the way of your relationship happiness

I recommend that you first have a candid discussion about what you want for your relationship. It is important that no accusations are made in this discussion. Share with each other how you experience the relationship now. After that, share what you would like to see different in your current relationship –pay attention: the relationship! not the other!- . Also share to what extent fear, a feeling of unease, or doubt is keeping you from going into couples therapy.

When this conversation has taken place, just bite the bullet and have an introductory session. After all, it doesn’t hurt to try. Mutually agree to look for another therapist or other options if one of you does not “click” with me as your EFT couples therapist.

Taking a first step usually makes it easier to seek further help. The first step is after all a confirmation that you still want to make something out of your relationship.

Would you like an introductory session?

What is EFT couples therapy?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on the improvement of the connection between partners. It is a very effective treatment method; more than 71% of couples find that they have a closer bond after EFT couples therapy.

EFT couples therapy enables you to understand your own needs and reactions, and those of your partner. This therapy helps you to strengthen your mutual bond and to become accessible again for each other. During the therapy we pay attention to interaction patterns that bring pain and distance to your relationship, and you learn to influence these patterns. EFT couples therapy is so accessible and practical that couples can overcome their patterns after just a few sessions.

How does EFT couples therapy work?

During the EFT couples therapy sessions I will guide you in overcoming your negative interaction patterns. You will learn to communicate your need for bonding and the fears that you experience upon a lack of bonding. This enables you to address your emotional needs and those of your partner. EFT couples therapy has three phases:

The 1st phase: de-escalation phase

The first EFT therapy phase is the de-escalation phase. This phase clarifies the negative interaction pattern. During this phase you will learn to recognise the pattern and to acknowledge your own and your partner’s role within this pattern.

The 2nd phase: connection phase

The second EFT therapy phase is the connection phase. During this phase you learn to express your mutual bonding needs and bonding fears, and how to deal with these needs. This creates a new emotional connection within the relationship that offers safety and changes the relationship for the better.

The 3rd phase: consolidation phase

The third EFT therapy phase is the consolidation phase. In this phase, you will learn to find new solutions for old problems. You will have a better grip on your relationship. If you revert to the old pattern, you can easily take a step back to phase one.

How does EFT couples therapy differ from other forms of therapy?

More common forms of couples therapy often focus on superficial aggravations and the communication between you as a couple. It has been made evident, however, that dealing with the mutual irritations and being able to talk to each other are not enough. EFT couples therapy focuses on the bonding between you and your partner. To what extent do you dare to be emotionally dependent on each other and connected to each other?

More about EFT couples therapy

For more information and news about EFT couples therapy, please visit the ICEEFT website. On this website you will find more information about the scientific research that proves that EFT is a form of therapy where couples seldom relapse after the completion of their therapy.